Kiflon

Umm,i just wanted to say that i'll be posting my writing and some of my art.
i'm in the middle of exams at the moment so you won't see much but i hope to have something decent for you soon.

you can call me R btw.

Please you guys sign this petition it only takes a momment and it means a lot to fans like me. Also this is an amazingly artistic show if you haven't watched it I highly recommend it!

www.change.org/en-GB/petitions…

So basically this will be a sort of mosh pit of ranting,wishful thinking and philosophies my ass. You have been warned.

It's very annoying when you just want to say so many things but you can't because you are a walking disaster...
Anyways,once again I will rant here about my various problems which I have the growing suspicion I create for myself out of boredom or simple masochism,I don't yet know.
So...how do we start this therapy session? I suppose I just start writing and never look back? Whatever we'll see.

I say we start with the acting issue since it's the one I want to focus on most at the momment.
As I have probably told you before,I want to be an actor [and director but I'll save this for another time] really really badly.Like,you know I might not show it to many people but the idea alone makes me crack a smile.I try to make subtle efforts to show it.I am,I think the most enthusiastic person in the single acting class we have in school and I always volunteer no matter what the excersise is [which has led to more than 1 uncomfortable situations. For example,almost all the class seeing my underwear (batman boxers o.o") or a bunch of my most irritating classmates having to raise me in the air for a kind of trust excersise which led to them just "accidentaly" grabbing my ass...you know those kind of things you just want to pretend never happened.] and I find being on a stage even if I'm alone and I'm just practicing random lines...I find it dunno really cathartic in a way and secure and it just feels good.
One might think that having both my parents working on cinema/theatre related jobs it would be easy to at least audition for something but I have never even asked for that because I am terribly insecure.Also,I quit my acting classes because the team was lame and I was bored to death...And that led to me losing touch with it for a while.Sometimes I cant keep a straight face during the school lesson because when you have an audience of people who are waiting for you to make the wrong move and start laughing I dunno I at least get really nervous...I suppose what I'm sort of seeking here is not exactly advice but yet remains advice.I dont know I hope I'll start acting classes again next year and I hope to be able to persuade my teacher to help me prepare a play of 3-4 people for school...I really want this even if I'm not sure of myself,it gives me a nice feeling and it's not often something does that.

Next thing is:
The previous 6 years(?) I think,maybe a bit more maybe a bit less,I had been in a basketball team.Failing as it was at least it kept me in shape and helped with my health.Some rather nasty stuff played including me nearly beating the shit out of one of my teammates and everyone just hating me so I decided I would leave them alone to lose on their own.The problem now is that I have started loosening up real bad and gaining weight because oh wells,I admit it,I love candy and chocolate and everything sugary.
Now I wouldnt really have a problem with that since according to medical data I am about 3 kilos less than what is supposed for my height BUT being the deranged,stupid creature I am I want to be thin as a skeleton.Not anorexic or anything,I love food I'd never give it up!But I want to be as thin as possible and not excersising at all has destroyed this wish of mine.
Now as logical beings you will proceed to ask me the same thing my mom did.Why the hell dont you go run a mile every day so you get excersise huh?
Well,it's not that easy.Because I'm a lazy ass and I never have the motivation to go out in the cold and run around an ugly city on my own so yeah...I just sit here eat chocolate and get fat something which I hate xD Anyways if any of you guys,have a sort of diet you've tried out or tips on what I can do comment and I will love you foreverz.

And now I forgot what else I wanted to say so you will just have to settle down for this.

So,despite the fact that the last few days I wake up with horrible headaches and my eyeballs feel like they're gonna fall off my skull I still sit infront of my screen and do absolutely nothing or nearly absolutely nothing.
I just finished listening the audio play 'Cock' starring Andrew Scott,Ben Whishaw and Katherine Parkinson. It has some explicit content but after watching Yan Fabres 'Prometheus landscape ii' from the second row I think a graphic audio description of a sexual encounter cannot shock me all that much...
Anyways,it was rather good in my opinion and had some interesting points to it.
Also,the fact that it led to me researching 'The Half' project adds to it.
And 'The Half' leaded to me gaining another motivation to want to restart acting classes and improve so that I have a chance of passing in drama school.
I dont know why my experience with theatre has been so fucked up,I mean I join a team I get bored I quit,I join the national theatre's teen team I find everyone is an idiot I quit and so on and so forth.My school has a special division for acting/theatre/cinema but the only thing we do there is stupid 0 level excersises because most of my classmates are morons...pity.

Another thing I did today which kind of makes me feel better about sitting infront of this screen for endless hours is that I started writing something.The story for the writing competition.
I dont know,yesterday I had a huge fight with Q about how I feel towards my stories which I believe are just copies of other peoples works and why I feel guilty after submitting them and it kind of helped my writers block.
I also setted my reading goal for 2013 to 50 books and I am currently reading 3: 'The Sandman Companion:A dreamers guide to the award-winning Comic Series' by Hy Bender,'Vampire Hunter D: Raiser Of Gales' by Hideyuki Kikuchi and 'John Keats Selected Poetry'.

And because I think I havent told you yet.
Fantastic,
Meretricious,
And a Happy New Year!

Really poetic isn't it?
I don't know,I find it poetic...

Anyway,it's almost Christmas but I don't feel Christmassy at all,I just feel like...I don't know like a freaking misfit...

I watched some movies lately, including "Bright Star" by Jane Campion,"Brideshead Revisited" by Julian Jarrold and of course the "Hobbit : An Unexpected Journey" by Peter Jackson.
All of them were amazing,brilliant films.
I loved everything for each own little reason. I sympathized greatly with Sebastian from Brideshead...those who know the story wont believe it but who believes anything I say anyways?

I got my grades for this trimester...not quite that good...18,5/13 out of 20...the lowest grade was on french where I got a 16.[which I totally deserved but oh well...]
My teachers said I am generally a good student and a good person and that Im clever and sensitive and all that shit but a bunch of them also said that I shouldnt be so insecure and melancholic and that they're worrying...
I dont know,maybe the things I draw and write scare them...

I decided that after all the pressure and mental war my teacher has forced me through I will participate on the writing competition again,this time with a poem and a story.I started writing the second one already and Im sure they wont like it...

I don't know,I feel so bad right now maybe I'll correct this later.